Más tarde de lo que hubiéramos deseado, os volvemos a proponer una nueva promoción exclusiva, sólo para seguidores gaiteros; o más concretamente para todos aquellos, seguidores o no, que tengáis a bien soltar a cambio, una cantidad no especialmente modesta de euros.
En esta ocasión nuestros esfuerzos se han centrado en la homérica figura de uno de los copríncipes de Andorra, lo cual hará las delicias de la ex-tenista, Arancha Sánchez-Vicario, catalana universal con residencia en el simpático principado.
Nos referimos, como algunos de los expertos en paraísos fiscales y tabaco astilloso habréis adivinado, -los que no hayáis pensado en el obispo de la Seu d'Urgell, principalmente-, a Monsieur Nicolas Paul Stéphane Sarkozy de Nagy-Bocsa, afortunadamente más conocido por todos como Nicolas Sarkozy, lo cual ha agradado también sobremanera a nuestra gaitera más afrancesada, mademoiselle Juanita Bowie, alma máter de la promoción que ponemos a vuestra disposición por un tiempo, al contrario que las de Disney, para nada limitado. Hasta que lo vendamos todo vamos.
(Si conseguimos que las dos distinguidas señoritas antes mencionadas, compren el artículo en cuestión, habremos superado en dos unidades a la anterior promoción, al éxito de la cual debemos el hecho de que nuevamente hayamos optado por editar un pack de DVDs ya que no sabíamos donde meter todos los que nos quedaron por vender y que en un alarde visionario compramos regrabables.)
Introducidos en el tema, vayamos directamente al meollo. Ponemos a vuestra disposición el documental, Je m'appelle Nico, pero llámame Monsieur Sarkozy, pensado, diseñado, escrito, montado y puesto en escena por moi-même. Todo menos producido, ya que los gastos derivados de la creación de tamaño documento han sido cubiertos, y con holgura, justos es reconocerlo, por los fondos reservados del Ministerio del Interior de nuestro país vecino y sin embargo, amigo, que país.
Englobado en la moda actual del documental-verité, esta nueva joya del séptimo arte y algunos artes más, incluidos los marciales, nos muestra a nuestro protagonista durante todo un año lectivo, sin censura ni componendas de ningún tipo.
Debido a ello, los primeros 523 discos del pack no llevan ningún extra. Al contrario, sin trampa ni cartón, podemos observar al primero de los franceses, que diría el gran comunicador y mejor persona, José María García, cepillarse los dientes, uno a uno y de arriba a abajo como mandan los cánones y nueve de cada diez molares entrevistados, -los incisivos no lo tenían tan claro-, hacer la siesta con un ojo abierto, preparar un huevo de huevos poché, sus preferidos, mojando pan como un poseso hasta superar el récord de baguettes vendidas en un día, en su boulangerie predilecta del barrio, la renombrada Avec toi, pan et cebolla.
Y todos los discos con comentarios en audio del autor, por supuesto.
Extras (además del resto de la población francesa, banlieus en llamas incluidas):
Disco 524:
-Manual de seducción: Todo lo que querías saber sobre el arte del amour en un solo disco. Práctico, claro y funcional.
Y de regalo, un recortable del anillo de compromiso(s) para que podáis montarlo vosotros solos, y regalar si se da el caso, todas las veces que sean necesarias, con la inscripción que también reza en los entregados por nuestro héroe a sus primeras damas, Rien de pirulo, pa chulo chulo, y mira que brillo, mon anillo.
Disco 525:
-Su relación con los demás miembros del gobierno y el suyo propio, y en especial con el del primer ministro François Fillon, titulado, No te me equivoques François, le filón soy yo.
Disco 526:
-Las canciones favoritas de Nicolas, cantadas por él mismo.
Y para los primeros 1789 afortunados que os hagáis con esta colección, de regalo, las canciones preferidas de su graciosa majestad, (dile majestad, dile presidente de la V República Francesa) en versión politono, sonitono, megatono y la más calentita, tepongoatono.
Y aún más, para los suertudos impares de los 1789 antes mencionados, Monsieur Sarkozy y su versión remozada del clásico mejicano, Sigo siendo el Rey, mano a mano, con nuestro Mikel Berberentxun, el cantante gaitero, reaparecido por primera vez después de su descanso post-estival.
Disco 527:
-Hugonotes y jacobinos. ¿Quién es quién? Con su galería fotográfica y todo, compuesta básicamente de fotos. Y básicamente de Carla Bruni, en una versión muy básica, con su guitarra y poco más, a ratos hugonota, a otros ratos jacobina, la muy ladina, pero siempre Carla.
Y todo este ingente material por una módica cifra a convenir, en plazos,
-como todo en estos días-, de lo más cómodos, siempre y cuando tengáis un sofá en casa que sea ídem. ¿A qué esperáis pollos?
Je m'appelle Nico, pero más te vale llamarme Monsieur, o te abro la cabeza con una baguette de medio del mes pasado.
Retrato de un hombre perfecto al 110%.
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